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Making Right Turns in Your Relationship: How couples work together to create change, enhance intimacy and strengthen communication
by Myron D. Lewis, MSW
published by Hansyd Publishing
Copyright 2004
Paperback 216 pages
Bon Journal
Making right turns in your relationship
I have heard my long-time friend say many times before as he agonises over his current relationship dilemma,
"The question is ----- is she the right one for me?"
So focussed is he on finding the right partner that he forgets the fundamental rule of relationships:
Once you are in a relationship, you have to maintain it.
The question is not finding the right partner but maintaining a relationship so that it becomes the right one.
Myron Lewis' first book "Making Right Turns in Your Relationship" takes a fresh approach to building and maintaining healthy relationships. He does not start at finding the ideal partner. Rather he targets couples already in a relationship.
The contents of this new book comes from the communication workshop that Lewis and his wife Lisa began and developed over ten years ago. What this means is that the examples and exercises have been proven and tested on many audiences.
It took me a week to read and digest the book. While doing the exercises, such as listing the behaviours I want to stop and the ongoing challenges in my relationship, I began to reflect upon my own relationship history.
What a revelation it was to discover that I had found the right partner many times before. Why didn't those relationships work out?
I never knew a relationship required work. When it didn't work, I just ended it. It's like being a tenant your entire life. You don't need to take responsibility for the place you rent, because the landlord fixes the problems. If he doesn't, you leave and find another place to rent. You are not committed to renting the place for the rest of your life. Likewise, if you enter into a relationship not intending to stay, you will have the same attitude. A relationship requires commitment and maintenance otherwise it falls apart.
Lewis' examples are easy to relate to. We have all experienced communication breakdowns, irritation at trivial details such as how the toilet paper rolls or one partner watching too much television, emotional rollercoasters, and spiralling down a vicious circle. Lewis explains why they happen and how to resolve them.
The last time I bought a book on relationships I had made my partner read it. Unfortunately I never had the patience to read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" myself. Perhaps that's why the relationship suffered an early death. That book is now lost to a borrower whose name I've forgotten.
I will certainly get my friends who are in relationship quandries to read this book. Better, do all the exercises, follow the guidelines, and get their partners to read it. They will then realise that the secret is not in finding the right partner (because they will always get caught in "it's sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along"). The secret lies in working on the relationship to make it the right one.
26 November 2004 Friday
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